a random entry, on a random note pad i found.

8/29/10

10:40 pm

it's been awhile since i've put a pen to some paper. i saved this very note pad from being thrown out today at work. there was nothing wrong with it, i didn't quite understand why someone would think to throw away something so useful. when i asked why it was in the trash, my supervisor said, "no one needed it." ..i felt like saying, "you didn't need those shoes you bought yesterday either, but you're still wearing them" ....... the fuck?

"night beautiful queen momilo"

& just like that, he put her to sleep...

lol* ♥

this rapper named, Blu.

props, KIT.
this one's for you..

i'm sure the VMA's will disappoint me, but..

i'll be watching for Drake and a select few ♥

2010 MTV Video Music Awards

Gaga for Vanity Fair.

have you gotten your September VF copy yet?
i think that grey/silver looks wonderful on her..
the prettiest i've seen Lady G!

 

dorightandkilleverything.

i loved drake more after seeing this video.
ugh, wait til you see him lick his lips :x sorry lol.

 

Drake "Miss Me"

- shoutouts to Marquis, my dude always got the goodies! ♥

a conclusion.

i've come to the conclusion that..
i'm going to start making our visits a lot shorter.

that way,
things won't get so dry during the week between us.

tasha bleu, i love you!

from our "Love Lockdown" shoot.

taken by - treu bleu imagery.
styling by - Dennel Marrow.
models - keavin smith, & yours truly.

a quote.

"Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes.
That's why it takes great courage to love,
knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever."



a friend of mine (@iRiptheRunway),
posted this on her fb today.
it's so sad, yet true..
fingers crossed!

"the ultimate hip hop couple", so we've been titled.

whenever i get the chance, you can find me rocking by his side at a show..

whether it be his own show, or a show that he's attending as a "fan for the night".

i don't claim to be at all learned when it comes to hip hop.

but i have a love for it, one that grows every time i learn of someone new.

of course my musical taste still differs from his..

naturally, since he's an artist & channels his emotions thru it.

but all i know is we both love music. & hip hop.

have you seen us at a show yet? it's a sight to see!

sometimes we forget that we're even standing next to eachother.

last night we got the pleasure of seeing Curtains in action.

oh & this MC Theo Martins that opened up for him too!

those two were the best acts of the entire night..

idk man, i could feel their music hit me. especially Curtains.

maybe kus we were front row, & in between both speakers?

i still can't say he's my favorite tho..

until this this day, K.I.T. remains my favorite artist.

no, i'm not saying this because he's my bf.

i'm saying this 'cause i actually know the dude.. inside & out.

when i hear him rap, i know it's true. it's real.

knowing an artist changes everything.

this is the only thing he has on Drake.

yea, i said DRAKE!

idc if you're judging me right now..

go right ahead! i'm still me, & you're still reading my blog!

but what's better than being your boyfriend's biggest fan?

...why, being his girlfirend of course ♥

also, please check out:

http://www.theoceanstategreat.blogspot.com/

i wanted to write an entry today..

but my mind seems to be blank : /
ughhhhhh.

hungry. can you fill my appetite?

i'm going to treat the world as if it were an apple,
and take the hugest bite out of it possible.
don't be upset if you go missing off the left
or right hemisphere of the earth.
that means, i've already devoured you.
& don't you dare think i'm not coming back for more..

xoxo,
CAKES.

since my last blog entry,

i've done exactly what i said i was going to do:
LIVE MY LIFE!
& boy oh boy, has that decision been great :)
things are starting to look up for me.
aside from being in debt about $800
(security/dorm deposit for school, $500
& my t mobile phone bill of $300+),
being happy lately has been pretty damn priceless!
of course i'm still stressed in some form,
but there's always that "necessary" stress we all need in life.
otherwise, what would things be like if everything were so easy?
i probably would have committed suicide early, *gasp!

^ in this pic, enjoying the night with my girls Pearl & Betty ♥

duhhhh, debbie!

i've realized that there's nothing i can do but live MY life.
so that's exactly what's going to happen! join me if it suits you.
& if it doesn't suit you? find someone's life who will.


♥

"in for the kill" by la roux ♥

We can fight our desires
But when we start making fires
We get ever so hot
Whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
But what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotions
And what are feelings without emotions?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

I hang my hopes out on the line
Will they be ready for you in time?
If you leave them out too long
They'll be withered by the sun
Full stops and exclamation marks
My words stumble before I start
How far can you send emotions?
Can this bridge cross the ocean?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

Let's go to war
To make peace
Let's be cold
To create heat
I hope in darkness
We can see
And you're not blinded by the light from me

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

my playlist lately:

drake's comback season.
cole's the warm up.
mickey factz' the leak vol. 1 & 2.
west's 808s & heartbreak.
& la roux (la roux).

that is all for now.

think before you speak..

kus a lot of people don't.
i mean, i guess i don't have anything here in RI either.
ouch!


freak it.

K.I.T.

stands for "keep in touch",
right?


wrong.

sippen on coke & rummm, i'm like so what i'm drunk!

cap'n morg hits theeee spot on nights like these.

this shit has me feeling so lovely.

good day with the fam.

makes up for shit i guess.

i still don't know how to feel.
i usually just resort back to tears.

but tonight will be my 1st night.

of...
not thinking.

or pretending i'm not thinking.

a wise man told me..

"momo's marry momo's.
that's momo law,
duhhh"..

simple as that.
i'm hoping this law isn't up for change.
unless there's an improvement,
or better version of it.
 
 
♥

what happens when you stop caring?

pachangas.

brain

overload.
i can't fucking deal.

i swear i'm never satisfied.

even after two great nights in a row,
i just wanna ball my eyes out.
something's missing.
no point in going looking for it tho.
it's just gonna make me feel worse.



i'm going to a wedding today.
i get to watch people be in love..............

PSA

someone called me a "love rebel" the other day.
i guess i am a love sick puppy, huh? oh well lol.
i'm fine tho, for all my loves who are saying i sound depressed.
i have this blog, & you guys to pour my heart out to!
so do not fret...
I'M STILL MOTHER FKN Debbie Cakes >B]

xoxo.

P.S. I'm in a swimsuit fashion show for Illwear Fashion co.
tonight in Boston. Blog to follow! Wish me luck :D
♥

i just can't explain this shit at all..

Can I, Can I...

Save you, from you?

'Cause you know there's something missin,

& that champagne you've been sippin is not suppost to make you different over time!

It's starting to feel, like the wrong thing to do..
'Cause with all that recognition

it gets hard for you to listen to the things that imma say to make you mine!

But live boy, have some fun boy..

we'll be fine.

Trying to convince myself I found one,

Making a mistake I never learn from.

I swear,

I always fall for your type,

for your type.

Tell me why I always fall for your type!

yeah oooh ooh,

for your type..

I just can't explain this shit at all.
I believe in people like you.

"fall for your type" - listen here!

i freaking love this song lol

can't stop listening to it :)

*sigh

i watched Eclipse (♥) today for the second time again.
the ending really gets me all mushhhhhy.
even though it's one of the saddest scenes in the movie,
it happens to be one of my most favorite.
because it is so true in my case..

jacob had just gotten FUCKED up fighting to protect Bella.
he could barely move, but somehow still had the strength to talk.
this kid tries so hard to talk her out of becoming a vampire.
bella goes: "you know i love you."
& jacob replies: "you know how much i wish it was enough."


end, almost lol. :'(

i love too hard..

i think that's what scares them away.

ever feel like the world is against you,

when it's really only yourself?
i've been feeling like this for some odd days now.
i haven't felt like this since.. high school maybe.
rough times, sheesh.
it's crazy how much money (& people) can a affect a person.
Nordstrom emailed me today.
they wana do a phone screening.
hopefully i get the job, God knows i need it.
kus no one else is gona pay this $300 security deposit for school.
and no one else is gona pay my phonebill,
or update my wardrobe weekly.
i have a problem, i know.

i wonder what these next two months are going to be like.
i miss you, Boston.

A quote.

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is YOU get to decide HOW you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."


— Marilyn Monroe

you're not in love silly goose!

who you tryna fool?

better late than never, but never late is better..

there is a consequence for everything you do in life.
whether it be positive or negative.
make wise choices,
so you don't have to look back & ask yourself:
what could i have done better?

but i thought love came naturally?

isn't it supposed to continue when you're miles away,
not just when you're in front of me?
i look forward to talking to you every single day.

why don't you feel the same?

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.


in order to keep somebody around,
you hafto show them that you take a strong liking in them.
the minute you stop showing interest,
that is the minute you begin losing them.
i like to feel like i am apart of you & your day.
EVEN IF i'm not there!

i want to be able to look at my phone
& smile because you thought of me.
talking to me shouldn't feel like a chore.

i just don't understand..
all i want is to feel wanted.

what the hell am i doing wrong?

what the fuck else is new?

i'm slowly beginning to give up on RI.
this state sucks BUTT.
& so do most of the people, no offense.
it's friday night, & what am i stuck doing?
fucking blogging.
i just wana go out & have a lil' fun.
but it's like asking some random person for a million dollars;
THE CHANCES OF THEM GIVING IT TO YOU ARE SLIM TO NONE!
i'm still waiting for an epic night to occur in the summer of 2010.
shit, just throw me a second job my way, & a bottle to celebrate.
i'll shut the fuck up, i promise.

FUCK YOU rhode island.

keep up with me,

in real life.
'cause my blog will only get you so far.

in my defense.. not that i really needed to defend myself tho.

my state is so small.
i never realized how many damn people in Rhode Island disliked me.
i just wanted to tell you though,
i love you all.
especially the ones who think they know me,
and the ones who tell their friends not to hang with me
just because of what they've heard..
but haven't any idea of what i'm really like.

yo. i'm actually doing something with my life.
and going places.
so before they tell people not to be my friend,
they should be giving them legitimate advice like:
DON'T DO DRUGS.
STAY IN SCHOOL.
or, THAT SHIRT DOESN'T GO WITH YER OUTFIT.
kus i'm the last thing people need to worry about.

get to know me, i'm not that bad!
i promise.

♥ Cakes

speaking of American Dreams,

check out my boyfriend's new single, "customer service".
i posted it a few entries ago, not sure if the link worked.
or if any of you actually clicked to listen.
if you like reading my blog,
you'll like listening to this song :)
it's one of my favorites..
click the link below

customer service by KIT

i avoided the Coke game & went with Sprite instead.

i've been avoiding you for some time now..
it's been 7 days, & everyday i wonder what i'm going to blog about.
looking at my previous entries, they were all based on negative emotions;
almost.
they had to with either sadness, anger, bitterness ...or love.
i guess i'm just a troubled 20 year old,
who still reacts off of her emotions, & madly in love.
maybe mildly bi-polar.
i swear i don't even feel like i'm 20.
sounds weird whenever someone asks how old i am.
"i'm 20." -- feeling like i'm still 18, i wanna say.
time flies man.
it's been a whole year already that you've been in my life?
the fuck! where does all the time go..
trash goes to a dump site or landfill.
but.. what about time?
what's good with some roll-over minutes,
for every minute not spent doing anything productive?

i had a brief talk with a friend today.
i asked him what he's doing with himself, & life.
and it was the typical "i'm self employed" rhode islander answer.
WHY, though?
i told him i don't even wana be famous..
just successful.
i don't think that's asking for much.
but somehow, it still is.
then he said: "WELCOME TO THE AMERICAN DREAM.
WHERE THE AMERICAN DREAM IS OVERRATED".
this rhode islander, with his typical RI response, said something right.
but even then..
you won't ever see me giving up on myself.
i will never sell my self short.
i will never settle for selling drugs.
i'm gonna try.
& fight.
til the day i die.
'cause it's this "American Dream" that's been keeping me alive.

...even if it is all in my head.

..finally, some good fortune! & swedish fish from the red sea.

"my stamina is sugar, & it's love love forever y'all."

love;
the greatest gift one can give to any living thing.
last time i checked,
the polite thing to do when a gift is received is to say thank you.
so where the fuck are my manners? 
i just hope my love in return is sufficient.

to have a long lasting relationship..

you must have a 5:1 ratio.
for every negative thought you have about your loved one,
you should have atleast 5 positve thoughts.

positive interactions:
touch,
a phonecall,
or just the plain thought of them.
the smallest things,  make the biggest difference.
- CBS News.

"i wear my ♥ on my sleeve like it's the new fashion."

^ and that was my fashion post for the day.

what i didn't get the chance to say..

i think i might go crazy in the beginning.
i'm just afraid of not having somebody to talk to..
and someone to say goodnight to every night.
i don't wana tell anyone else goodnight.
i don't wana go looking for someone else to say goodnight to either :/
who will i tell when i recieve good news?
what about bad news?
FUCK A BLOG!
i just want somebody there.
& not just any somebody.

but i mean, ....i got this.
i'll be fine. *pounds chest*

the spotlight

ain't nothing without you.
patience, Debbie.

i've been having a few good things come my way lately.
the start of my blog.
moving into my sister's finally.
designers asking me to model for them.
photographers wanting to do shoots with me.
keeping busy, yessssssss!
man, all i need now is that second job.
i wana know what it feels like to not have enough hours in the day.
maybe then i'll understand.

in my very first blog entry, i know i talked smack about modeling.
not hating on it particularly.
but basically saying it's not what i want to do.
i figure i gotta start somewhere in this field of fashion, right?
i'll learn a few things..
then put them to use later.
i want to work in every area fashion has to offer.
until i am doing what it is exactly that i dream of doing....
i will not stop <33.

she like..

"what have you done for me lately?
..idk, i thought you were my baby?
lately, she been acting all crazy.
breathing in my face, all hot no AC.
i'm thinking, maybe it's me.
i musta signed the dotted line
without reading the extra fees.
geese if i woulda knew nagging & complaining
were in the small print,
i never woulda signed that shit!
but since i'm in a binding contract,
with all the love i give out, i expect a little back.
i mean, i'll take like 65% of that,
haa & that includes hittin' that ;)
no 'where yah ats'
or 'wha cha doing'
or even having thoughts of who im screwing!
other than you, who else could it be?
i didn't know love came with so many insecurities.

i'm giving you bad customer service,
i'm giving you bad customer service,
you aint't pay, or even deserve this."

- K.I.T. / my boyfriend. ..the beat goes in, & the lyrics are real.

funny that this is one of my favorite songs now.. every word hits me.
maybe because it's so true. played it atleast 7x today.

listen to it here :P

p.s. if you're reading this,
"sorry" is getting too played out.
i've decided i will no longer be needing that word.
i know.. actions speak louder than words.
my actions, & yours.

a wise soul once told me, who told him..

that no matter how madly in love one is,
there will be a day that you will come to realize,
you do not need that person.

that's cool.
'cause i think i'd rather be wanted, anyway.
desire shows how much more a person cares.

to need is to become dependent of; to be used.
to want is to desire the acceptance of something.
or in this case, someone.

♥

hey blog

you've just become my new best friend :]
i think it's great that you love to hear how i feel.
and i can tell you whatever i want without you getting upset or feeling some type of way.
thankyou, for taking this load off of my shoulders.


xoxo, Cakes <33

fucking, dear diary. 6:49 am

i'm so sick of this shit. this house, this WOMAN.
barely slept last night.
& i hafto be up for 8:30 am anyway.
i need Boston, like right now.
i won't wake up in tears there because of her.
NOOOO i don't wana hear your stupid antics,
or your Bible scriptures, or your voice piercing thru my mind.
my headache's back, thanks.
i had it since 6pm yesterday, til i fell asleep.
i'm starting to think i'm prone to migraines.
my body is drained, it hurts. my brain hurts.
i can't believe my lazy ass still hasn't left to my sister's.
i could have avoided all this.
i'm gona be at the beach today with bags under my eyes.
better than being here i guess.
atleast i'll have juliana & edgar.
wish i had you.
i wish i had my phone on.
maybe i wouldna had sucha bad night/morning.
i woulda had someone to talk to.
só quero alguém para com quem falar, that's all.
shit's so upside down right now man.
& my eyes are burning.

jnhbegq32ik45uyhw

i feel like deleting my "a letter to Our Past" entry.
a fucking waste.

nah i lied, i needa start doing things for me,
instead of feeding off of people's reactions.
..or non-reactions.
who cares what the next thinks.
i care too much, i swear.

love -

i want more of it.
GIVE ME MORE.
they say too much of something can kill you.




bury me in it.

"this higher education, welcome to high school!" --i mean college.

"Information is power.

If you don't have the information,

One cannot see his power.
you need to think about
being mentally competetive.
...used intelligently, a pawn can create a checkmate."

- Professor Maurice Phipps
from the movie, Higher Learning

true story, SO GO SCHOOL YOURSELVES!

& um you don't hafto be in school to learn something.

nothing wrong with teaching your brain on your own.

pick up a book.. do some research.

you'll be surprised by what you find.

anyway, this is a 1995 classic, starring Omar Epps. along with Laurence Fishburne, Ice Cube, Busta Rhymes & the sexy Tyra Banks in her prime. this movie deals with racism (those stupid skin heads -_-), gender, sexuality, fitting in, & just LIFE period. it also had some 90's fashion that made me giggle a little :P watching this movie made me appreciate being in college & the times we live in today -even tho society still sucks! i was lucky to catch it on FUSE tonight.. great movie, watch it if you haven't yet. & if you have, watch it again. you won't regret it. promise.