smfh.

i've been slacking with LIFE lately.

i need a fucking WAKE-UP call..

no internet at bay state.

fuck am i paying 16 gees to live on campus then?
oh that's right, to have no internet connection.
they must think i'm rich like most of these kids out here.
& i have no cell phone.
it's crazy how much it sets me apart from everyone else.
i'ma start chilling on the corner of newbury w.a cup asking for change.

if you have time, read this "essay".

Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light & shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (& theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery –celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “its not where you take things from –it’s where you take them to.”

Word. And I stole THAT.

..p.s. SHEESH.

my favorites from the BET Award Cyphers. #LEGOOO!

DIGGY.. 3 more years 'til i make you mine.

they rippedddddd IT.

sometimes

you just hafto dance pasada with the one

you love most to realize what's important in life.

♥

i really don't understand this dude's hype.

but his video's are always shot so well.

this is one of the few songs of his i like.

prolly kus i like how "black & yellow" is sang.

shoutout to wendy darling lmao.

life's gonna suck from now..

until who knows when.

GO!

it might be possible..

that i left my brain in RI once i moved into school this semester. i'd hate to blame you, Boston.

WORD.

Sneak Peak of V.S.'s City Soul, Directed by KIMO! stay tuned 8)

oh.. & i'm in it too. lol

check out more of V.S.'s DOPE music on his site B)

-->  http://www.vrsus.com/

it's craaaaazy how much attention ppl need.

like deleting their fb's every two months..
so when they re-activate it, everyone's like:
"OMG, WHERE'VE YOU BEEN! IMYY!"

do you guys have fb friends like that too?

i've been considering switching to Tumblr. but idk?

these are the pix of me a lot of the
users on there have been reblogging.
OW B)

had the pleasure of attending one of the best sets of my life last night.

NO EXAGGERATION.

K.i.T.

 

kus what's a star when his most important fan is missing?
...tssssss idek.



shout out to MYOB & their dope earrings/accessories! & tasha bleu ♥

i made it to the blog 8) if only i knew what it said :/ lol
peep..

--> http://myobstore.blogspot.com/2010/09/blog-post.html

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. can you handle my features?

you said it best.. :/

"we often forget,
but space is even needed between the stars..."

sigh.

she's pretty perfect.

my fave. line lmao.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAAAAAAAAAAAN?

(stress the 'A')

if this is your first time on my blog,

please refer to my very first blog entry.
it's somewhere in June '10.
me, in a nutshell.

prolly my only favorite entry i've written to date.

please watch this cute ass video from beginning to end. thanks.

just some pix from my life lately.. more to come, i'm sure.

normal dialogue between my dormates and i.

*silence in the room, kayleigh walks in*


Kayleigh: mm it smells like cinnamon
Me: Well I just farted...

*Juliana dies laughing*
lmaoooo O:)

oh debbie, smh.

Maestro Knows - Episode 10 (Va$htie Kola) from Maestro Knows on Vimeo.

i'm so thankful to have started X SQUARED on newbury street at the time that i did! just in time to cop these sexy 2's. they never make anything special for the ladies now a days (jordans wise, most would agree).. Vashtie Kola, thank you! you are one of the dopest women known to mankind. everyone who knows me, knows that i do not rock jordans anymore. except for these sexy 1's that i wear once a in a blue. i didn't ever plan on buying jordans again, i don't care much for kicks anymore. you kind find me rocking vans or a few H&M skippies; that's really it. but working at a sneaker store is making me feel a certain way about kicks again. & it shouldn't, lol.

 fun fact #1: i got my 1st pair of jays when i was 16, the Cardinal 7's.

fun fact #2: i own a couple 5's, one 7, a couple 8's, a couple 1's, and one pair of dub zeros.

(i clearly didn't care to collect them much.)

P.S. i need you in my life, Vashite Kola ♥

good looks to chloe & marquis,

peep their dope ass blogs please (:

- http://fashionisartbutlife.blogspot.com/ -

- http://fbgnorthblog.com/ -

am i just high,

or should i be really flattered by this compliment?
forgive me, i haven't smoked in over 18 months.

"I think ur personality is reflected a lot through your body language n it makes u the mossst adorable person in my eyess. Its gonna take you somewhere for sure!"

...idk. what do you think?

Simple 2 page essay I wrote for my Fashion Merch. class. We had to pick a trend for this fall & talk abt it..

Fall Trends 2010:
Menswear Bottoms

Some of the most comfortable materials and fabrics in the world are worn by the lucky men placed on this planet. It is the woman who truly knows what the saying “beauty is pain” means, fore we have endured this pain for centuries! Little does man know, being pretty and feminine come with more work than meets the eye. Fortunately for females, fall 2010 reintroduces women to one of the most genius fashions ever invented: menswear bottoms.

Who knew there was a way for women to look sexy and sophisticated in menswear bottoms? They are great for a long day at work, a night on the town with some friends, or even a nice dinner with your special someone. They also come in dress shorts that can be worn with leggings, as Tommy Hilfiger beautifully paired the two for his fall collection. Many times, you can find these trousers worn with a button up shirt, a crewneck sweater, or even a nice blazer to match. Essentially, it can be paired with just about any top. A nice stiletto, pump, or platform can be worn to elongate the legs, making the woman look very tall and slim.

Menswear bottoms can be a very nice transition from skirts or dresses. The autumn is when the weather changes from warm to chilly, leaving us women to freeze with our bare legs exposed! With pants like these, we don’t have to worry about being caught in the cold. They are also a good way to hide our favorite socks with silly designs on them that others may find a little embarrassing!

In the September issue of Vogue for this fall, one of the fashion editors Sally Singer did a short piece about Ralph Lauren’s “flat front trouser and cut to fit a woman” (Singer, 488). She described her experience with Ralph Lauren and his team creating the perfect suit for her, which cost roughly $5, 800. Singer also tried to convince the readers of how great of an investment it would be since the look is so classic and can be brought back at any given time period. Although Ralph Lauren is a trusted and prestigious brand, someone like me would never be able to afford such a high priced suit. Fortunately for the women with lower class statuses, there are stores like Express, New York & Company, and Ann Taylor who will satisfy our needs and make us feel like a million dollars anyway!


Menswear bottoms are very practical to the modern woman of 2010. For example, waking up in the morning and getting ready for the day can get so tedious when finding an outfit is the main focus of your “to do” list before work. With menswear bottoms, it requires less thinking since it can be worn with almost anything. This way, with showering, making breakfast, preparing for work, and actually getting to work, picking out clothes is the least of your worries.

I feel as though this fall trend will last longer than just this season, and probably up until the end of winter. Menswear bottoms have been around for so long, and although they go out of trend, they do not go out of style since it is such a reoccurring trend. As learned in class, clothes can make a woman feel and look like something they aspire to be. Through menswear bottoms, they can make her feel like she works in a big law firm alongside the biggest lawyers in the field, even if she doesn’t. They can motivate a woman to want to become more than what she is. In my case, menswear bottoms remind me of my sister and how she’s come such a long way since my parents moved to America. She makes a statement in her trousers with all her responsibilities of being a wife, having a family, and maintaining a job. Clothes should inspire a woman. In my opinion, this fall trend will be a great success!

random entry.

when somebody asks me to tell them about myself, i go blank.
it's weird to just talk about me, unless i'm writing an essay for school.
ask specific questions and you'll find out everything you wanna know about me.
i'd say peep my blog, but i don't update frequently enough.

♥

http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/
http://www.gravisfootwear.com/

"originality".

why's it such a fight to be

different?

sighh*

(place broken heart here)

Kanye ft. Pusha T "Runaway" - Live VMA performance.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

♥

if anyone cared to watch the VMA's this year..

it shouldn't have been me!
but the fashion was great..
not much a fan of katy perry, but she did her thing.
trey songz and drake looked delectable.
rihanna looked...... *no words*.
ke$ha looked like trash (funny, she was actually wearing it too).
you already know GAGA made a statement with every outfit.
and god bless travis mcCoy & pharrell williams' sexyness.

it hurts my heart to say that drake's performance didn't impress me.
but KANYE ended the VMA's with a bang,
& made me wish i only watched for his performance ♥

i'll be posting his performance once i find decent footage.

or this one? sheesh.

i'm seriously thinking about being rih-rih
 for halloween this yr O:)

UM,

I JUST WANNA KNOW WHY THIS VIDEO HASN'T GOTTEN MUCH PLAY....



a random entry, on a random note pad i found.

8/29/10

10:40 pm

it's been awhile since i've put a pen to some paper. i saved this very note pad from being thrown out today at work. there was nothing wrong with it, i didn't quite understand why someone would think to throw away something so useful. when i asked why it was in the trash, my supervisor said, "no one needed it." ..i felt like saying, "you didn't need those shoes you bought yesterday either, but you're still wearing them" ....... the fuck?

"night beautiful queen momilo"

& just like that, he put her to sleep...

lol* ♥

this rapper named, Blu.

props, KIT.
this one's for you..

i'm sure the VMA's will disappoint me, but..

i'll be watching for Drake and a select few ♥

2010 MTV Video Music Awards

Gaga for Vanity Fair.

have you gotten your September VF copy yet?
i think that grey/silver looks wonderful on her..
the prettiest i've seen Lady G!

 

dorightandkilleverything.

i loved drake more after seeing this video.
ugh, wait til you see him lick his lips :x sorry lol.

 

Drake "Miss Me"

- shoutouts to Marquis, my dude always got the goodies! ♥

a conclusion.

i've come to the conclusion that..
i'm going to start making our visits a lot shorter.

that way,
things won't get so dry during the week between us.

tasha bleu, i love you!

from our "Love Lockdown" shoot.

taken by - treu bleu imagery.
styling by - Dennel Marrow.
models - keavin smith, & yours truly.

a quote.

"Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes.
That's why it takes great courage to love,
knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever."



a friend of mine (@iRiptheRunway),
posted this on her fb today.
it's so sad, yet true..
fingers crossed!

"the ultimate hip hop couple", so we've been titled.

whenever i get the chance, you can find me rocking by his side at a show..

whether it be his own show, or a show that he's attending as a "fan for the night".

i don't claim to be at all learned when it comes to hip hop.

but i have a love for it, one that grows every time i learn of someone new.

of course my musical taste still differs from his..

naturally, since he's an artist & channels his emotions thru it.

but all i know is we both love music. & hip hop.

have you seen us at a show yet? it's a sight to see!

sometimes we forget that we're even standing next to eachother.

last night we got the pleasure of seeing Curtains in action.

oh & this MC Theo Martins that opened up for him too!

those two were the best acts of the entire night..

idk man, i could feel their music hit me. especially Curtains.

maybe kus we were front row, & in between both speakers?

i still can't say he's my favorite tho..

until this this day, K.I.T. remains my favorite artist.

no, i'm not saying this because he's my bf.

i'm saying this 'cause i actually know the dude.. inside & out.

when i hear him rap, i know it's true. it's real.

knowing an artist changes everything.

this is the only thing he has on Drake.

yea, i said DRAKE!

idc if you're judging me right now..

go right ahead! i'm still me, & you're still reading my blog!

but what's better than being your boyfriend's biggest fan?

...why, being his girlfirend of course ♥

also, please check out:

http://www.theoceanstategreat.blogspot.com/

i wanted to write an entry today..

but my mind seems to be blank : /
ughhhhhh.

hungry. can you fill my appetite?

i'm going to treat the world as if it were an apple,
and take the hugest bite out of it possible.
don't be upset if you go missing off the left
or right hemisphere of the earth.
that means, i've already devoured you.
& don't you dare think i'm not coming back for more..

xoxo,
CAKES.

since my last blog entry,

i've done exactly what i said i was going to do:
LIVE MY LIFE!
& boy oh boy, has that decision been great :)
things are starting to look up for me.
aside from being in debt about $800
(security/dorm deposit for school, $500
& my t mobile phone bill of $300+),
being happy lately has been pretty damn priceless!
of course i'm still stressed in some form,
but there's always that "necessary" stress we all need in life.
otherwise, what would things be like if everything were so easy?
i probably would have committed suicide early, *gasp!

^ in this pic, enjoying the night with my girls Pearl & Betty ♥

duhhhh, debbie!

i've realized that there's nothing i can do but live MY life.
so that's exactly what's going to happen! join me if it suits you.
& if it doesn't suit you? find someone's life who will.


♥

"in for the kill" by la roux ♥

We can fight our desires
But when we start making fires
We get ever so hot
Whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
But what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotions
And what are feelings without emotions?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

I hang my hopes out on the line
Will they be ready for you in time?
If you leave them out too long
They'll be withered by the sun
Full stops and exclamation marks
My words stumble before I start
How far can you send emotions?
Can this bridge cross the ocean?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

Let's go to war
To make peace
Let's be cold
To create heat
I hope in darkness
We can see
And you're not blinded by the light from me

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

my playlist lately:

drake's comback season.
cole's the warm up.
mickey factz' the leak vol. 1 & 2.
west's 808s & heartbreak.
& la roux (la roux).

that is all for now.

think before you speak..

kus a lot of people don't.
i mean, i guess i don't have anything here in RI either.
ouch!


freak it.

K.I.T.

stands for "keep in touch",
right?


wrong.

sippen on coke & rummm, i'm like so what i'm drunk!

cap'n morg hits theeee spot on nights like these.

this shit has me feeling so lovely.

good day with the fam.

makes up for shit i guess.

i still don't know how to feel.
i usually just resort back to tears.

but tonight will be my 1st night.

of...
not thinking.

or pretending i'm not thinking.

a wise man told me..

"momo's marry momo's.
that's momo law,
duhhh"..

simple as that.
i'm hoping this law isn't up for change.
unless there's an improvement,
or better version of it.
 
 
♥

what happens when you stop caring?

pachangas.

brain

overload.
i can't fucking deal.

i swear i'm never satisfied.

even after two great nights in a row,
i just wanna ball my eyes out.
something's missing.
no point in going looking for it tho.
it's just gonna make me feel worse.



i'm going to a wedding today.
i get to watch people be in love..............

PSA

someone called me a "love rebel" the other day.
i guess i am a love sick puppy, huh? oh well lol.
i'm fine tho, for all my loves who are saying i sound depressed.
i have this blog, & you guys to pour my heart out to!
so do not fret...
I'M STILL MOTHER FKN Debbie Cakes >B]

xoxo.

P.S. I'm in a swimsuit fashion show for Illwear Fashion co.
tonight in Boston. Blog to follow! Wish me luck :D
♥

i just can't explain this shit at all..

Can I, Can I...

Save you, from you?

'Cause you know there's something missin,

& that champagne you've been sippin is not suppost to make you different over time!

It's starting to feel, like the wrong thing to do..
'Cause with all that recognition

it gets hard for you to listen to the things that imma say to make you mine!

But live boy, have some fun boy..

we'll be fine.

Trying to convince myself I found one,

Making a mistake I never learn from.

I swear,

I always fall for your type,

for your type.

Tell me why I always fall for your type!

yeah oooh ooh,

for your type..

I just can't explain this shit at all.
I believe in people like you.

"fall for your type" - listen here!

i freaking love this song lol

can't stop listening to it :)

*sigh

i watched Eclipse (♥) today for the second time again.
the ending really gets me all mushhhhhy.
even though it's one of the saddest scenes in the movie,
it happens to be one of my most favorite.
because it is so true in my case..

jacob had just gotten FUCKED up fighting to protect Bella.
he could barely move, but somehow still had the strength to talk.
this kid tries so hard to talk her out of becoming a vampire.
bella goes: "you know i love you."
& jacob replies: "you know how much i wish it was enough."


end, almost lol. :'(

i love too hard..

i think that's what scares them away.

ever feel like the world is against you,

when it's really only yourself?
i've been feeling like this for some odd days now.
i haven't felt like this since.. high school maybe.
rough times, sheesh.
it's crazy how much money (& people) can a affect a person.
Nordstrom emailed me today.
they wana do a phone screening.
hopefully i get the job, God knows i need it.
kus no one else is gona pay this $300 security deposit for school.
and no one else is gona pay my phonebill,
or update my wardrobe weekly.
i have a problem, i know.

i wonder what these next two months are going to be like.
i miss you, Boston.

A quote.

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is YOU get to decide HOW you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."


— Marilyn Monroe

you're not in love silly goose!

who you tryna fool?

better late than never, but never late is better..

there is a consequence for everything you do in life.
whether it be positive or negative.
make wise choices,
so you don't have to look back & ask yourself:
what could i have done better?

but i thought love came naturally?

isn't it supposed to continue when you're miles away,
not just when you're in front of me?
i look forward to talking to you every single day.

why don't you feel the same?

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.


in order to keep somebody around,
you hafto show them that you take a strong liking in them.
the minute you stop showing interest,
that is the minute you begin losing them.
i like to feel like i am apart of you & your day.
EVEN IF i'm not there!

i want to be able to look at my phone
& smile because you thought of me.
talking to me shouldn't feel like a chore.

i just don't understand..
all i want is to feel wanted.

what the hell am i doing wrong?

what the fuck else is new?

i'm slowly beginning to give up on RI.
this state sucks BUTT.
& so do most of the people, no offense.
it's friday night, & what am i stuck doing?
fucking blogging.
i just wana go out & have a lil' fun.
but it's like asking some random person for a million dollars;
THE CHANCES OF THEM GIVING IT TO YOU ARE SLIM TO NONE!
i'm still waiting for an epic night to occur in the summer of 2010.
shit, just throw me a second job my way, & a bottle to celebrate.
i'll shut the fuck up, i promise.

FUCK YOU rhode island.

keep up with me,

in real life.
'cause my blog will only get you so far.

in my defense.. not that i really needed to defend myself tho.

my state is so small.
i never realized how many damn people in Rhode Island disliked me.
i just wanted to tell you though,
i love you all.
especially the ones who think they know me,
and the ones who tell their friends not to hang with me
just because of what they've heard..
but haven't any idea of what i'm really like.

yo. i'm actually doing something with my life.
and going places.
so before they tell people not to be my friend,
they should be giving them legitimate advice like:
DON'T DO DRUGS.
STAY IN SCHOOL.
or, THAT SHIRT DOESN'T GO WITH YER OUTFIT.
kus i'm the last thing people need to worry about.

get to know me, i'm not that bad!
i promise.

♥ Cakes

speaking of American Dreams,

check out my boyfriend's new single, "customer service".
i posted it a few entries ago, not sure if the link worked.
or if any of you actually clicked to listen.
if you like reading my blog,
you'll like listening to this song :)
it's one of my favorites..
click the link below

customer service by KIT

i avoided the Coke game & went with Sprite instead.

i've been avoiding you for some time now..
it's been 7 days, & everyday i wonder what i'm going to blog about.
looking at my previous entries, they were all based on negative emotions;
almost.
they had to with either sadness, anger, bitterness ...or love.
i guess i'm just a troubled 20 year old,
who still reacts off of her emotions, & madly in love.
maybe mildly bi-polar.
i swear i don't even feel like i'm 20.
sounds weird whenever someone asks how old i am.
"i'm 20." -- feeling like i'm still 18, i wanna say.
time flies man.
it's been a whole year already that you've been in my life?
the fuck! where does all the time go..
trash goes to a dump site or landfill.
but.. what about time?
what's good with some roll-over minutes,
for every minute not spent doing anything productive?

i had a brief talk with a friend today.
i asked him what he's doing with himself, & life.
and it was the typical "i'm self employed" rhode islander answer.
WHY, though?
i told him i don't even wana be famous..
just successful.
i don't think that's asking for much.
but somehow, it still is.
then he said: "WELCOME TO THE AMERICAN DREAM.
WHERE THE AMERICAN DREAM IS OVERRATED".
this rhode islander, with his typical RI response, said something right.
but even then..
you won't ever see me giving up on myself.
i will never sell my self short.
i will never settle for selling drugs.
i'm gonna try.
& fight.
til the day i die.
'cause it's this "American Dream" that's been keeping me alive.

...even if it is all in my head.

..finally, some good fortune! & swedish fish from the red sea.

"my stamina is sugar, & it's love love forever y'all."

love;
the greatest gift one can give to any living thing.
last time i checked,
the polite thing to do when a gift is received is to say thank you.
so where the fuck are my manners? 
i just hope my love in return is sufficient.

to have a long lasting relationship..

you must have a 5:1 ratio.
for every negative thought you have about your loved one,
you should have atleast 5 positve thoughts.

positive interactions:
touch,
a phonecall,
or just the plain thought of them.
the smallest things,  make the biggest difference.
- CBS News.

"i wear my ♥ on my sleeve like it's the new fashion."

^ and that was my fashion post for the day.

what i didn't get the chance to say..

i think i might go crazy in the beginning.
i'm just afraid of not having somebody to talk to..
and someone to say goodnight to every night.
i don't wana tell anyone else goodnight.
i don't wana go looking for someone else to say goodnight to either :/
who will i tell when i recieve good news?
what about bad news?
FUCK A BLOG!
i just want somebody there.
& not just any somebody.

but i mean, ....i got this.
i'll be fine. *pounds chest*

the spotlight

ain't nothing without you.
patience, Debbie.

i've been having a few good things come my way lately.
the start of my blog.
moving into my sister's finally.
designers asking me to model for them.
photographers wanting to do shoots with me.
keeping busy, yessssssss!
man, all i need now is that second job.
i wana know what it feels like to not have enough hours in the day.
maybe then i'll understand.

in my very first blog entry, i know i talked smack about modeling.
not hating on it particularly.
but basically saying it's not what i want to do.
i figure i gotta start somewhere in this field of fashion, right?
i'll learn a few things..
then put them to use later.
i want to work in every area fashion has to offer.
until i am doing what it is exactly that i dream of doing....
i will not stop <33.

she like..

"what have you done for me lately?
..idk, i thought you were my baby?
lately, she been acting all crazy.
breathing in my face, all hot no AC.
i'm thinking, maybe it's me.
i musta signed the dotted line
without reading the extra fees.
geese if i woulda knew nagging & complaining
were in the small print,
i never woulda signed that shit!
but since i'm in a binding contract,
with all the love i give out, i expect a little back.
i mean, i'll take like 65% of that,
haa & that includes hittin' that ;)
no 'where yah ats'
or 'wha cha doing'
or even having thoughts of who im screwing!
other than you, who else could it be?
i didn't know love came with so many insecurities.

i'm giving you bad customer service,
i'm giving you bad customer service,
you aint't pay, or even deserve this."

- K.I.T. / my boyfriend. ..the beat goes in, & the lyrics are real.

funny that this is one of my favorite songs now.. every word hits me.
maybe because it's so true. played it atleast 7x today.

listen to it here :P

p.s. if you're reading this,
"sorry" is getting too played out.
i've decided i will no longer be needing that word.
i know.. actions speak louder than words.
my actions, & yours.

a wise soul once told me, who told him..

that no matter how madly in love one is,
there will be a day that you will come to realize,
you do not need that person.

that's cool.
'cause i think i'd rather be wanted, anyway.
desire shows how much more a person cares.

to need is to become dependent of; to be used.
to want is to desire the acceptance of something.
or in this case, someone.

♥

hey blog

you've just become my new best friend :]
i think it's great that you love to hear how i feel.
and i can tell you whatever i want without you getting upset or feeling some type of way.
thankyou, for taking this load off of my shoulders.


xoxo, Cakes <33

fucking, dear diary. 6:49 am

i'm so sick of this shit. this house, this WOMAN.
barely slept last night.
& i hafto be up for 8:30 am anyway.
i need Boston, like right now.
i won't wake up in tears there because of her.
NOOOO i don't wana hear your stupid antics,
or your Bible scriptures, or your voice piercing thru my mind.
my headache's back, thanks.
i had it since 6pm yesterday, til i fell asleep.
i'm starting to think i'm prone to migraines.
my body is drained, it hurts. my brain hurts.
i can't believe my lazy ass still hasn't left to my sister's.
i could have avoided all this.
i'm gona be at the beach today with bags under my eyes.
better than being here i guess.
atleast i'll have juliana & edgar.
wish i had you.
i wish i had my phone on.
maybe i wouldna had sucha bad night/morning.
i woulda had someone to talk to.
só quero alguém para com quem falar, that's all.
shit's so upside down right now man.
& my eyes are burning.

jnhbegq32ik45uyhw

i feel like deleting my "a letter to Our Past" entry.
a fucking waste.

nah i lied, i needa start doing things for me,
instead of feeding off of people's reactions.
..or non-reactions.
who cares what the next thinks.
i care too much, i swear.

love -

i want more of it.
GIVE ME MORE.
they say too much of something can kill you.




bury me in it.

"this higher education, welcome to high school!" --i mean college.

"Information is power.

If you don't have the information,

One cannot see his power.
you need to think about
being mentally competetive.
...used intelligently, a pawn can create a checkmate."

- Professor Maurice Phipps
from the movie, Higher Learning

true story, SO GO SCHOOL YOURSELVES!

& um you don't hafto be in school to learn something.

nothing wrong with teaching your brain on your own.

pick up a book.. do some research.

you'll be surprised by what you find.

anyway, this is a 1995 classic, starring Omar Epps. along with Laurence Fishburne, Ice Cube, Busta Rhymes & the sexy Tyra Banks in her prime. this movie deals with racism (those stupid skin heads -_-), gender, sexuality, fitting in, & just LIFE period. it also had some 90's fashion that made me giggle a little :P watching this movie made me appreciate being in college & the times we live in today -even tho society still sucks! i was lucky to catch it on FUSE tonight.. great movie, watch it if you haven't yet. & if you have, watch it again. you won't regret it. promise.

damn maaaaaan,

this shit's starting to sound like a diary/poetry slam blog.
let me stop while i'm ahead.


THANKS FOR READING THO, if you have :)

a letter to Our Past.

i've decided that it's going on my shoulder,
facing towards my collar bone.
it's going to represent him, us, and the future.
the future, where you have no part in.
it'll go on my right side because on my left i have a milk-spot birth mark that i adore.. have you seen it?
but anyway. this feeling i have, it's almost crazy.
so much that it affects me when others interfere.

over the years, i THOUGHT i knew what it felt like,

to know that feeling when somebody interfered.

but i didn't.

& i can no longer deny these feelings,
as much as i try to refuse them.
this is real, LOVE is REAL!
jealousy.
envy.
bitterness.
resentment.
yes, resentment.
these are all the things that come with love.
so when someone from the past tries to come in & (unconsciously) break what i've built up.....
oh, it enrages me.
but quietly.

yes i know where i stand in his eyes,
& i know i'm not coming down from this high horse anytime soon.
i don't ever plan to, actually.
but did you know that?
'cause you're disrepecting me, disrespecting US..
without even knowing what you're doing.
so cut the shit.

Sincerely,

Deborah R. Rodrigues

(i sign my name in full when it is a matter i feel strongly about)

P.s. the past is your place. & the human brain has this thing called memories.

keep them there with you.

in the past.